Kekoa Paki Arts

Hello Reader,

I’ve been reflecting recently and realized that I never made a public statement on one of the most personal pieces I’ve ever made, False Masterpiece. Though, I feel it’s impossible to discuss False Masterpiece without first delving into my struggles with loneliness.

This problem of loneliness probably first started with the Covid pandemic, during which, most of my connections to others were severed and my social skills atrophied, an effect I fear I’m still coping with today. That loneliness was amplified when I moved to Washington. See, back in Alaska, even during the pandemic, I had a few friends who hung out with quite frequently. We mostly interacted via playing video games online together. We spent hours most every night just playing and talking. We kept up this routine even a year after I moved to Washington.

But time did that ever most cruel thing it does and moved forward. I spent less and less time playing video games as I grew more and more invested in my art and academics. Now-a-days, I get an overwhelming sense of wasting time whenever I even think about booting up my old Xbox. Me and who I once considered brothers were separated by space, then interest, then time, and then finally, we were no longer brothers.

I had some luck making friends when I first moved to Washington. Despite how, as I’ve discussed previously, I was kind of a bad person in High School, I was still somewhat popular. You see, while I was kind of a bad person in High School, most everyone is kind of a bad person in High School, so it balanced out. I was kind of well-known in High School, actually, because I had a very distinctive appearance. I usually wore suits, leather jackets, and a $100 of Ray-Ban Aviator sunglasses. I dressed better than the average student. Though, of course, this was just to hide the fact that I was insecure about my body and self-worth. (Fun Fact: If you’ve ever seen me in-person, you’ll notice that I wear sunglasses even in-doors, the reason for that is because 1: I have very sensitive eyes, and 2: I don’t like the feeling of vulnerability I get when other people can see my eyes.) Anyways, I had a few people who I hung out with during lunch. The problem I had was trying to strengthen these bonds past the point of convenience.

Looking back on it, I think what kept me from forging deeper friendships was my unwillingness to actually communicate my desire for connection. I would offer to do and make things for people and give them pieces of art I made just for them, hoping this would lead to a greater friendship but rarely would I ever just come out and say that I wanted to be better friends with people. And because of that inability, those friendships faded soon after I went to college as a part of the Running Start program.

I had a small connection to a few people in the Running Start program at SVC, even organized a secret-Santa event one December, but my connections were even weaker there than they were at my old High School, MVHS. This got even worse when I moved to Concrete, WA and switched to doing online classes. As it turns out, making friends at your college is significantly harder when you live an hour away from it. Though I will say, during this time, I met my pen-pal Eevee, who I have kept in touch with since I first reached out to her. I like Eevee, but she doesn’t read my blog.

Now let’s get into the piece itself, “False Masterpiece.” I started making this piece as a part of my application for the Art Education major at Western Washington University. I was supposed to make a piece of art that encapsulated why I wanted to become an art teacher. Now I would go over all the creative decisions I made while making the piece, but, honestly, I don’t remember my thought process that well, and, luckily, I documented the entire design process in my sketch book.

Sketches I made in preparation for “False Masterpiece:”

So, as you can see, I was going to ask a few friends to help me make some pieces that would represent different reasons I wanted to be an art teacher. I was really into this idea, but it, sadly, didn’t turn out. I couldn’t get them to come over to my house to make the pictures I needed for my piece.

I feel like the situation was quite succinctly explained in the explanation of the piece I attached to my submission for the Art Education program at Western:

While my studies at SVC were submerged in loneliness, I’m bound and determined to make my time at Western Washington University different. I tire of dwelling alone in this somber sea of consciousness. I’m taking my first steps back onto dry land, and I’m going to say hi to the people who live up there.

False Masterpiece:

The pieces used to make False Masterpiece:

Thank you for reading this blog post.

From,

Kekoa Paki